Thinking Aloud

A lot of the time I’m the underdog. I’m the shortest girl on the team and somehow I end up being the one diving for a rebound. I’m the only girl during a work-out session and I have to fight to keep up because the next two people are already done their last set. I’m the youngest and by default the most inexperienced so I have to grind twice as hard to still be 10 steps behind. I remember playing a ball game in high school and we were getting absolutely demolished. We were probably getting 20’d for the entire first half. Our captain goes “common ladies! 10 more points.” Confused, I ask why only 10. She tells me “10 points and our loss won’t be as embarrassing.” But why? Why are we so comfortable selling ourselves short? Why are we settling? We know how to win. Why does the audience’s judgement have to be the people we have to prove ourselves to and not our damn selves? Why aren’t we pushing for 30? 40?

I got a huge reality check by my team last week. It is time to grow the heck up. They’ve done it all seen it all, at least a whole lot more than I have. They’ve seen lower pits than I even know exist. They’ve already struggled through things I can’t even spell. Their problems are unheard of to me and my biggest issue is petty things that aren’t worth anyone’s time. Not even my own. I knew it would be hard trying to keep up with these two. Tyrone and Kedre live for the grind. They know what it’s like to have their last dollar and still throw it into UPSO’s pot even if that means they have to stay hungry for a few more days to eat good again. I learn from them daily. I’m learning when to voice my opinion and when to let things go because it won’t matter tomorrow. Them being so ahead just means I have to move a little faster, I have to mature 5x the pace, and I have to think outside the box more than I am comfortable. And maybe I’ll cry and maybe I’ll be overwhelmed but I’m definitely stronger after. Sometimes it takes a good cussing to get someone back in their lane. UPSO is growing faster than any one of us expected. We knew we’d make it but UPSO’s one year of being a corporation is only creeping up days from today. We knew it would be blood, sweat and tears to make it but we’re only growing. We’re only getting better and we’re only strengthening our bond as a team. We’re learning how to hear everyone out and we’re learning how to value each other.

A lot of the time it’s easier to just back out. It’s so much easier to just give in and throw in the towel. It’s easier to apply for a 9-5 than it is to kickstart your own dream. Sometimes we need to look back and see how far we’ve come. UPSO wouldn’t be where it’s at if we didn’t push each other as much as we have the last few years. They say when you want to give up look back and remember why you started. I don’t think any of us could ever let UPSO go. Kedre told me the other day, “UPSO is a family first. Then a brand.” They push me because they know who I can become.

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